照片说明: 王丹(右)与一台湾同性恋男子(左)在海边度假与波士顿前男友Kenneth邂逅
王丹同志內心灼痛 举止慌乱...
写下以下日记
发表在个人网站上
发表在个人网站上
站长 wangdan 王丹
注册于: 2004-03-02
发表数: 548
4月12日: 那天看到K
发表于: 2007-04-12 22:40
4月12日: 那天看到K
发表于: 2007-04-12 22:40
那天看到K, 我整個人瞬間傻掉---怎麼會這樣呢?
都已經分手三年了, 之後再也沒有聯繫過. 我曾經多次沙盤推演過在街上偶遇的情景.也許是假裝沒有看見, 擦身而過; 也許是勉強寒喧, 尷尬之下匆匆道別. 不管怎樣, 總覺得那會是一種平淡的情景, 有些惆悵甚至悲傷, 但是真的很淡就對了.
今天偶然遇到, 卻推翻一切思想準備. 我竟赫然發現: 我那串以前個戴了很久, 當我們熱戀的時候送給K的銀色項鏈, 居然, 還在K的脖子上! 陽光下反射亮光的項鏈, 昭示主人的精心擦拭, 讓我頓時恍惚.
是我太疏忽了曾經有過的時光對生活的影響嗎?是我真的比K對我們那段感情印象更為淡漠嗎? 是K居然還沒有從那場註定沒有結局的戰爭中抽身出來嗎?我呆在街頭,. K一臉燦爛的笑容, 讓我內心灼痛, 舉止慌亂.
分手以後, 是他主動斷了聯繫: 從電話, 電子郵件, MSN, SKYPE, 通訊地址, 一直到工作, 都不再依舊. 我想也許是K保護自己, 那麼我應當尊重, 儘管內心有無數的起伏. 絕望的我, 在時間的水中浮潛, , 慢慢的終於習慣了面對. 可是現在, 突然被拋回戰場, 面對最不想面對的戰局, 我慌亂之下突然傻眼.
---“好久不見”
---“恩”
---你還好吧?”
---“好”
---“恩”
---“我給你打過電話”
---“哦, 我手機後來換了”
---“可是…”
---“下次吃個飯吧”
---“哦, 好啊”
………..
………..
---“那我先走了”
---“恩,bye”
陽光下走在回家的路上, 週圍的人和車形影模糊, 我不確定是不是真的想回家, 可是我需要開始走動. 我需要一個方向, 讓我可以有所歸屬. 耳邊響起樂聲, 那是陳奕迅的:
“十年之前/我不認識你/你不屬於我/我們還是一樣/陪在一個陌生人左右/走過漸漸熟悉的街頭/十年之後/我們是朋友/還可以問候/只是那種溫柔/再也找不到擁抱的理由/情人最後難免淪為朋友.”
十年, 足夠可以面對那條銀色的項鏈嗎? 我問自己.
上述日记摘自民运分子王丹同志的私人网站（实际为台湾同性恋聊天室）
5 条评论:
照片中那个男的是个名人啊!是名作家白先勇先生
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